OH, YOU WILL LOVE OUR NEW JOINT REPLACEMENT WING!

Indeed. First of all beware of any or all claims from medical professionals who lavish praise on medical bricks and mortar. I would rather the praise be directed at the actual human beings who work in that shiny new facility. Oh yes, they have instituted state-of-the art pre and post-op care systems. Note the word systems. My anxiety ridden brain did not hear this PR BS for what it was. After all, I was going to be in a private room with its own bathroom, receive physical therapy in an area only a few feet from my room, be completely pain free due to a comprehensive pain management system. There's that word system again.
Does a system run itself? Who makes sure that the system is functioning as it was intended? Here are some quotes from the actual humans entrusted with ensuring that these systems work:

Head Nurse: "Sorry I'm late with your pain meds, but I got stuck chatting at the nurses' station. You know how that is?"

Patient Care Aide: "Why is your butt so white and wrinkly? Oh, I guess no one changed the pad on your bed."

Patient Care Aide: "Here's your toothbrush. I'll be right back with water and your toothpaste". (I brushed without water or paste)

Patient Care Aide: "Here's your toothpaste. I'll be right back with water and your toothbrush". (I gave up and used a washcloth)

Head Nurse:"I don't know who told you that you could leave after the doctor discharged you, but I have all kinds of forms to fill out and the social worker has to set up your home therapy. It will take at least 4 hours." (To which my attorney husband replied: "I'm afraid that won't work") HN:What do you mean?" AH:"We are ready to leave now". My discharge had been confirmed the night before and this was 11:00 am the following morning after am therapy.
Social Worker appeared in 5 minutes, HN filled out her paper work in 10 minutes. We were then told that we had to wait for a hospital volunteer to walk us out. A group of PCA's walked past us and remarked to each other that "that's the volunteer's job".
We left on our own power and due to the kindness of a housekeeping employee, were able to use an employee elevator.
NEXT INSTALLMENT: pain, pain, and pain